Already Dead

I remember that she clearly looked both ways,

There are those that will say she stepped out with a purpose but maybe she just didn’t see it,

Misjudged the speed of it,

Either way,

It hit her.

There were many people there,

Unresponsive bystanders,

Waiting for someone else to deal with it.

It really messes with your head when something like this happens and all you can think is,

‘I’m going to be late for work now’.

It was only a few seconds before someone reacted but it may as well have been a month.

She was already dead.

Before this I had dealt with four deaths in my life,

My dog, my cat, my hamster and my nan.

All in their sleep and all when I was too young to understand.

I remember crying for hours over my dog.

This was new death to me.

This was eyes still open,

Blood seeping,

Open wounds,

Can’t look away,

Death.

The eyes still open,

That will stay with me,

That last moment of realisation,

That fleeting second of panic immortalised like stone on her

Pretty dead face.

The woman who had been driving sat,

Her forehead on the steering wheel,

Huge agonising cries as we all stood

Looking blank.

We didn’t have a doctor so a vet checked for vital signs

But there was no point

She was already dead.

Someone tried to close her eyes but they wouldn’t stay shut

They flicked open like one of those dolls in the bottom of every child’s toybox.

In the end we covered her face with a scarf and cast uncomfortable looks at each other.

A few people drifted away,

I stayed,

I don’t know why.

We explained what had happened and the Ambulance took her away,

No screaming sirens,

No running red lights,

No emergency injections

Or oxygen masks

She was already dead.

And I miss her.